bait and switch, why? - Talk About Marriage

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Today, 03:47 AM	? #2 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: Dec 2011 Location: New Mexico Posts: 5,515	Quote: I read in the forums of people pulling bait and switch tactics in relationships, specifically marriages, with regards to financial arrangements, child rearing, porn usage and sex. why is this such a common tactic, and why do people tolerate and hope and wait for things to change when they obviously (from an outside perspective) wont change? Have you ever been baited and switched, and what are you ding/going to do/done about it? How do you recognize when this is being done to you? Is there any real difference between bait and switch (further on referred to as BAS) and 'changing you mind?' Yes there is a difference between ?bait and switch? and ?changing your mind?. When a person does a ?bait and switch? they are intentionally promising something they have no intention of living up to. They feel that the ends justify the means. Generally they think that either you will forget about the promise, or that they can just not do it later and you will have to accept the switch. IT?s a pretty nasty thing for a person to do. If they have to promise something to get what they want it?s ok. When a person changes their mind, they original promise was sincere. It was the afterwards when the circumstances are not what they expected that they change their mind based on the new reality. I feel that the guy I married in 2000 pulled bait and switch on me. He promised to love me and be faithful. Yet he was cheating the whole time we dated and the first 2 years of our marriage. He also promised that he would work full time at his very well paid job and pull his weight financially in the marriage. He lost his job in 2002 and never got another.. just sat home and let me support him and his two children. What did I do? Well after I caught the infidelity, I stupidly agreed to reconcile. And when he did not find work I stupidly just kept supporting him and his children. I was not very smart about all of this. Should have kicked him to the curb as soon as I found out about the lying and infidelity. The first bait/switch should have ended it all.
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Today, 07:37 AM	? #5 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: Apr 2012 Posts: 58	Labeling stuff makes it easier for people to justify their reactions. It allows them not look further into things, not to ask questions, and to just decide all about another person's motivations, emotions, and decisions. It creates a "one size fits all" answer to everything. Ultimately, no one else can truly know the reason why another person does something. Though you can guess you can't know whether someone is actually "baiting and switching" or - simply did indeed change their mind. All you can do is glean clues from their behavior. There's another thread going about how a wife stopped doing certain sex acts, and now the OP and others are clamoring she's a "bait and switcher" and how she should be kicked to the curb, she was "just trying to trap you" she "was setting up a lie." Which is one interpretation. But the other could be - when your relationship is less steady, you might feel less comfortable in refusing a SO's advances. Who knows, the OP's wife might even regret what she did, but - that doesn't matter. Apparently, if you do something once, or a few times you are setting up the expectation and promise it will happen all the time, you cannot decide otherwise later, or it's a "bait and switch." I think that sets up a really bad precedent.
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Today, 12:51 PM	? #8 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: Apr 2012 Posts: 270	Quote: It isn't just sex that's used as a bait and switch. Affection is also used, I've known plenty of guys who were incredibly affectionate beforehand and as soon as the marriage/long term relationship is set, the affection dies. Quote: Labeling stuff makes it easier for people to justify their reactions. It allows them not look further into things, not to ask questions, and to just decide all about another person's motivations, emotions, and decisions. It creates a "one size fits all" answer to everything. Ultimately, no one else can truly know the reason why another person does something. Though you can guess you can't know whether someone is actually "baiting and switching" or - simply did indeed change their mind. Do you think a persons response to BAS or 'changed my mind' should be the same though? There's another thread going about how a wife stopped doing certain sex acts, and now the OP and others are clamoring she's a "bait and switcher" and how she should be kicked to the curb, she was "just trying to trap you" she "was setting up a lie." Which is one interpretation. But the other could be - when your relationship is less steady, you might feel less comfortable in refusing a SO's advances. Who knows, the OP's wife might even regret what she did, but - that doesn't matter. Apparently, if you do something once, or a few times you are setting up the expectation and promise it will happen all the time, you cannot decide otherwise later, or it's a "bait and switch." I think that sets up a really bad precedent. If the wife communicated her regret, it would demonstrate a mind change. If she closed him down when he tried to communicate his unhappiness, didnt try to compromise and didnt care how it left him feeling and is happy to keep their partner in the dark about how they feel, it demonstrates a BaS.
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Today, 03:39 PM	? #11 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: Aug 2012 Posts: 149	Quote: I read in the forums of people pulling bait and switch tactics in relationships, specifically marriages, with regards to financial arrangements, child rearing, porn usage and sex. why is this such a common tactic, and why do people tolerate and hope and wait for things to change when they obviously (from an outside perspective) wont change? Have you ever been baited and switched, and what are you ding/going to do/done about it? How do you recognize when this is being done to you? Is there any real difference between bait and switch (further on referred to as BAS) and 'changing you mind?' In retail, it is fraud & unlawful - used to complete a sale or seal the deal - false advertising. A person who presents a persona (advertising) that is false (insert anything) in order to seal the deal (marriage). Happens all of the time - very sad. I guess here if I use the phrase, it
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